Sunday, May 17, 2020

Mera Pati Mera Devta Hai

I saw it on social media. A married girl talking to her father through video call using some emoji feature to hide her face. She influenced her father too to use the feature during the call. But later as the call ends, bruises... Bruises on her face. She was beaten up by her husband but didn’t want to show. This video was put up by National Commission for Women which stated that there has been twofold increase in the domestic violence cases during the lockdown period.

This actually gave me goose bumps. It still happens?? But why? Those days are gone when women were only there to cook and be like a “baby producing machines”.  Those days when they were beaten up since they didn’t earn bread and butter for the house. Is it a good reason to beat your wife?? May be this was the mindset that a person who brings money to house is superior to others and thus have the right to act inhumanly with others especially your wife. Because she is the only one who listens to you. She is the only one upon whom you have full power and control.  I remember listening to a lady at a talk show saying that when a man is scolded by his boss, he gets angry but cant say a word back may be because he might lose his job. On his way back to home he doesn’t find a single person who will listen to his frustration. But as he reaches his home, he feels that yes this is the only place and person where I can show my “man power”, the only person in the whole universe who will help her getting him out of this frustration and he beats her sometimes with belt, sometimes with hockey and what not.

Things are no more same. Today girls are studying hard and earning equally as men. They are competing and excelling in every field. Many women take care of house, their kids as well as go out for job and earn as handsome amount. We might think that these women must not be victim of domestic violence. But we are wrong. This tradition of beating wife has spread its wings in all sections of the society- rural or urban, educated or uneducated, rich or poor. For me this more cruel that you are burdening her with all house hold chores, the kid(s) , sending her out to earn  and on top of that you are beating her to satisfy your stupid male ego.  One might also be of the opinion that domestic violence means beating but we are wrong again. Physical, sexual and emotion assault also needs to be counted. There many cases where the women is raped in marriage and this act is justified by saying “Ye to tere pati ka haq hai. Tu nahin degi to woh kaheen aur se jaake lega”. Even more safe way is to assault her emotionally- “Tere ghar gol roti nahin banti kya?”, “ sirf ladkiyan hi paida kregi kya?”, “ Are kya karegi laal rang ki saari leke? Ye rang to gorey rang pe achcha lagta hai aur tu to....”

If this thing is found in all stratas of society, there must be a reason to this. The reason is “Bachchon ki parvarish”.  Boys and girls who grow up watching their fathers beating their mothers get the opinion that its ok to beat (for boys) or being beaten up (for girls). The day a boy is born he is taught that he is “superiorest” form of mankind, above his sisters, mothers and future wife. Girls on the other hand grow up being told “Tumnhe dusre ghar jaana hai, Ghar ki izzat rakhni hai”. This Ghar ki izzat makes her life hell.She gets beaten up but because of this ghar ki izzat she remains quite since she has seen her mother too going through this. She never tells anyone what she goes through.
In Indian sub-continent girls infused with the idea  Bhalaa hai, bura hai, jesa bhi hai, Mera pati mera devta hai”. Recently a came across a song named Dua-e-reem which said-“Dhamkiyan de toh tasalli hoke thappad na pada, Pade thappad to karun shukar ke joota nau hua”. These are the suggestions given by folk singers to the bride-to-be regarding her post marriage life. Are these things we need to teach our daughters? Girls are taught to “compromise” what so ever happens. But unfortunately they are not taught about the extent of this compromise. There are umpteen number of promotional videos, audios etc which try to educate people about domestic violence. But I don’t know how much it helps the society.

It is high time we as a part of this society educate our sons and daughters in a correct way. Teach them that every human has its own importance- man or woman. Moreover, girls need to be taught to speak up. Speak up for anything bad that happens to you and give her an assurance that her every decision will be respected by her parents.

Lastly, one should not forget that domestic violence against men is also true. Though the percentage of people going through this is very small, hence not in limelight.The idea of feminism is misinterpreted and used illogically. Thus we being an integral part of this vast society need to take up this job of proper upbringing of our kids for  their better future

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